life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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