I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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