my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
