Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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