im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
