he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
