sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
