She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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