There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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