She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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