I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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