I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
