Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
