Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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