Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
