i think i have two assholes
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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