absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
