So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
