i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen