I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The best revenge is premature balding
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
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I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.