Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.