Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
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I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.