Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
either way he was missing a nipple.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?