I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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