one two three fourrrrnication!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
