We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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