just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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