Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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