how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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