FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
