I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
