Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
