it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
