i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
