I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
