people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
