I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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