I feel great
I just peed on a car
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
