I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
