I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
