I think my vagina is haunted
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
