weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
