When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
