i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
