I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
