How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
