Plan B is the new Plan A
I cannot find my penis.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
