I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
