Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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