Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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