So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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