I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
