someone threw a dead crab at me
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
