Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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