I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
