you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They took my balls.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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