woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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