I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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