So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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