Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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