I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
