Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We need to get me chipped asap
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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