I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
