A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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