is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She bit a glass in half.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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