She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just high enough for therapy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
