We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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