I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
