Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
